Can I be vulnerable with you in this post? Can I take the curtain down and be real for a moment? I think we all need a little more real in our lives, don’t we? In an Instagram world of curated, perfected posts we need a moment of truth (I love IG but it is the highlight reel for many).
Here we go. Truth-telling time.
There are days, weeks, and months when it all just feels too broken. Do you know what I’m talking about? Times when I really feel like there isn’t enough glue to piece it all back together like some sad puzzle.
And I’m not talking about the world in general, although that is also true. I’m talking about my life. My personal life.
You may be wondering how that can possibly be. I work for a church, I’m an adoptive mom with five beautiful kids, and I’m married to a teacher who puts his life aside daily for his students. I come from a decent family and grew up in church. How could my life be broken?
Well, all of our lives are broken because we live in a broken, fallen world. So none of us live perfect lives. But aside from that, there have been times when I feel like it is all extra broken. Like no one lives the kind of broken I live. I feel alone in my brokenness and get swallowed up by the thought that it is too broken to fix.
My marriage is hard because we have some things we deal with in regard to our oldest child that keeps us strained and stressed so our marriage is harder than it used to be for a few different reasons.
Parenting is hard because there is trauma involved. Trauma our oldest carries from her time in the orphanage, trauma she has given our other children (not on purpose or maliciously but it happens), and secondary trauma from processing her story. And that is on top of normal parenting stuff.
There are extended family complications on both sides and the brokenness my husband and I each carry from parts of our childhoods.
Sometimes I get overwhelmed by it all because I can’t fix it. I can’t even comfort my family or myself. I can’t carry it all, or really even any of it. I tend to let the chaos drown out all that God has done and the miracles I’m surrounded by.
I tend to focus on the brokenness until it all feels too broken to heal. Like I just want to sweep the pieces up and throw them away because it is all a lost cause. Do you ever feel like that?
I told you I was going to be vulnerable and honest. Is this too honest? Am I being too real?
I hope not because here comes the best part.
It isn’t too broken for God. It never could be. He is the master creator and fixer of everything. He specializes in redeeming brokenness for his glory and our good. It is amazing what he can do with the pieces we think belong in the trash.
Have you ever heard of the Japanese art of Kintsugi? Some translate that word as “the beauty of imperfections” but it is the art of repairing broken pottery by using powdered gold that is mixed with lacquer. This actually makes the pottery stronger than it was before it was broken AND it is far more unique and beautiful.
God does that with our broken pieces. He carefully picks them up and ever so gently puts us back together in a way that makes us stronger and more Christ-like than we were pre-brokenness.
Whenever I feel like my situation or my life is too broken, I remember that my Father is the master craftsman and creator. He can make something new from the broken pieces of life and circumstances. I just have to surrender my brokenness to him and that is all you have to do too.
So on the days when you think the brokenness may swallow you whole, remember who created you and loves you more than anything, and then let him put you back together.
Are you looking for a community or someone to grab coffee with who is in a similar life season? We’d love to connect with you and get to know you better! Below you will find a few people that can’t wait to meet you, shoot us an email so we can make a plan!
Tyler OJ Campus
Teresa Ator: firstname.lastname@example.org
Bethanie Tayler: email@example.com
Tyler UB Campus
Max Heller: firstname.lastname@example.org
Marthe Durosier email@example.com
Molly Pontius: firstname.lastname@example.org
Debra Kirby: email@example.com